Living True to Our Nature

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I woke up this morning in a place of uncertainty. I was feeling fatigued, uninspired, and frustrated with myself. My body and soul were telling me to rest, but my mind was telling me to be productive, to make something of myself and seize the day. I should be out climbing, building strength, and pushing through the fatigue. Isn’t that what everyone else does? I should be back in the grind, working a 9-5. That’s what makes me a worthy human, right? Instead, I allowed my body time to rest. Then, I thought to myself: why is it that we don’t value rest the way we do hard work? We applaud productivity and are quick to pat ourselves (and each other) on the back when we push through our exhaustion, our mental challenges, and our need for quiet time…all in the name of accomplishing our personal and professional goals. I think, for many of us, it is the ultimate challenge to hop off of the proverbial hamster wheel and allow ourselves to rest, take a break from our ambitions, and just BE.

I struggle with adjusting my mindset, even after many a day of choosing rest. I cave into what my body and spirit asks of me, but not without a good deal of strife. I have to remind myself that it is OK to let myself rest. Furthermore, I should feel good about it and appreciate the down time.

This reflection of mine segues into another important question: how much of our lives is being driven by how we think we ought to be living vs. how we actually want to be living? Over the past two years, I’ve been exploring foreign territory. I left my full-time job, and while I have maintained my active and adventurous lifestyle, I have chilled out a bit. Sometimes my new lifestyle makes me feel weak, unproductive, and unaccomplished, but it often feels organic to me.

I started realizing that many of the decisions I’ve made in the past were based on what I thought I should be doing and who I thought I should be. These thoughts led me astray from my true self. Many of my life choices seeded from true passion: passion I have for science, dance, and climbing, for example. But the passions started to feel like a chore when I felt pressure to commit to them in a way that did not fully resonate with me.

For years, I’ve tried to fit a mold. I would work hard to be the most accomplished at my job, my studies, my activities, etc. I pushed and pushed, even when my body was telling me to slow down. Eventually, I got burnt out physically, mentally, and emotionally. My drive was fueled by the praise I received for my accomplishments. I’m sure I am in good company here. As a culture, we’ve been programmed to admire the best, the brightest, and the most accomplished. So, naturally, many of us strive for success and we find ourselves being driven more by social pressures than our actual passions.

My tenacity and grit has served me well in many ways, but I suppose I have gotten a bit tired of incessantly swimming upstream, especially with impure motives. Not to say that I am not a hard worker or I don’t like to set goals for myself and achieve them, but constantly living in this space is not me. I thrive on BALANCE..my version of balance, that is.

We set goals for ourselves and chase them tirelessly to reach some sort of satisfaction. When we strip it all down though, we are ultimately all after the same thing: finding peace and contentment in our lives and within ourselves. How we get there lies in our INTEGRITY. We all have different paths toward finding fulfillment. Some people thrive in a pretty consistent grind, while others benefit from a slower pace. We all need different doses of push, creativity, play, focus, social time, quiet time, etc. Our life experiences that give us what we need will vary. Our recipe for balance is unique to the self.

To re-emphasize the teachings of the wise Martha Beck, we all have our own personalities and nature. Often times, cultural norms and traditions lead us in a direction that isn’t right for us. Departing from our natural self will cause us unhappiness and life will feel difficult. When we get in sync with what is right for us and return to our true nature, we become our best selves.

Of course, life is filled with experiences and moments where we are obligated to do things that we don’t always want to do. I am also well-aware of my unique position of privilege that has allowed me to have choices in my career and activities. I have been afforded the luxury to explore and take risks in various avenues of my life to find my path and balance, and I surely thank my lucky stars for the freedom I have to live the way I do.

However, living in integrity applies beyond our daily responsibilities. Not everyone can afford to change their career path at any given moment or freely travel the world, but we choose the values we wish to embrace and how we generally approach life and our experiences. Must we be so hard on ourselves if our mold for ‘success’ looks a little different from someone else’s?

Instead of leading a life where I feel coerced to feed my ego and receive the approval of others, I am choosing to honor where my true path is taking me. While I do find the need to pursue my goals in the realms of of my passions and career, I also need more times of rest than I was trying to allot myself, I need more quiet time in nature, time with my family, and time being silly and creative. I need to spread kindness and connect with other beings. In the end, I will most greatly benefit myself and those around me when I am living in a state of peace and balance. So, as difficult as it is for me to let go of that death grip I had on what I’ve thought my life should be, I choose to loosen the hold and allow my inner compass to guide me.

To quote the lyrics of a song by the late and great John Lennon: “I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round, I really love to watch them roll. No longer riding on the merry-go-round. I just had to let it go.”

Have you been trying to fit a mold as well, perhaps fueled by expectations of or approval by others? What do you find your true nature to be?